Neon Genesis GorillaGelion
Congratulations, Shinji-kun! You used the Third Impact to bring everyone back 𝑎𝑛𝑑 turn yourself into a 600-pound gorilla."
“𝐇𝐮𝐡-𝐡𝐮𝐡-𝐡𝐮𝐡.”
“Mmm. And such a manly gorilla at that~”
“𝐇𝐮𝐡?”
“Oh don’t be shy. Your biceps are so big now. I bet the rest is big too ~<3”
“𝐌𝐡𝐫𝐠…”
“…huh. Ha ha! What the heck?”
“𝐑𝐮𝐡?”
“It’s so tiny, Shinji-kun!”
“𝐑𝐔𝐇?!?”
“It’s practically snack-sized. I’ve seen bigger weiners at Ritsuko’s cocktail parties.”
“𝐎𝐎𝐎𝐇 𝐑𝐀𝐇 𝐑𝐀𝐇 𝐑𝐀𝐇!”
“What’s that? You say I have no right to judge because human males have disproportionately large genitalia compared to the rest of the primate kingdom?”
“𝐑𝐀𝐇!”
“Ah, even so, Shinji-kun, I 𝙖𝙢 a human woman. And a woman wants what a woman wants.”
“𝐌𝐫𝐫𝐫𝐠.”
“-𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩- This is why they keep revoking my security clearance. I can never say no to Kaji and all the deep probing from his fat secret agent meat pipe.”
“𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐇!”
“S-Shinji-kun! You’re ch-choking me with your giant gorilla hands!”
“𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐀𝐀𝐇!”
“Ooooh~ K-keep going Shinji-kun~~ You’re about to 𝐻𝑅𝑁𝐺 trigger my third impact~~~<3”
“𝐑𝐑𝐀𝐀𝐀𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐇𝐇!!!”
At the newly built headquarters of Studio Khara, in a packed meeting room, visionary director Anno Hideaki sits back in his chair. “And then we roll credits. This is the ending I envision for the last movie in Rebuild of Evangelion.”
The gathered staff stare in stunned silence.
“Any questions?”
An intern raises his hand. “Anno-san?”
“Yes?”
“Forgive me for asking, but why does Gorilla-Shinji choke Misato?”
“In End of Evangelion, Shinji choked Asuka. Obviously, she didn’t like it. In this new series, now that he has finally embodied peak masculinity in the form of a gorilla, Shinji must choke a woman to complete sexual orgasm.”
The intern puzzles. “But Anno-san, if he has attained peak masculinity, why is his penis so small?”
“I wanted his penis to be very large spiritually.”
“…oh.”
“And I wanted the viewer to know that physical size doesn’t matter. Even if he has a very small member, a man can bring any woman to orgasm. I feel this deeply.”
The intern leans forward. “…by choking them.”
Anno-san nods. “That’s right.”
“Okay, but then why is Misato able to talk while being choked?”
“I haven’t worked that out yet,” Anno admits. “I was thinking of a subplot where she takes up ventriloquism”
“I’m sorry, Anno-san, but this all seems a little crazy, even for you.”
“Oh?” Anno tilts his head, shocked by the intern’s candor.
The intern goes on. “It’s not my place to suggest, but do you think we could just have Shinji and Gendo work out their father-son issues in an over-the-top CGI fight and then give all the characters a happy ending?”
The visionary director leans back and shrugs. “That works too.”