AutoAmourAI
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“Ugh.”
“What’s up?”
“Pft. Just my girlfriend texting some bullshit again.”
“Ha, yeah. Women.”
“I love her but damn man, I hate typing LOL back to all these boring ass cat videos. She knows damn well there’s only one kitty I wanna see.”
“Yeah I automated all that years ago.”
“…you automated all what years ago?”
“Texting my wife.”
“…bro what?”
“I got decades of texts with her, right? So I just fed all of that into the AI and now it responds for me. The way I would.”
“Um.”
“But like in a better, funnier, more charming way.”
“You don’t even see her texts?”
“I get a short summary of our exchanges right before I head home at five.”
“Uh, I’m not gonna lie man, that seems kinda fucked.”
“I thought so too but it’s done wonders for our relationship. She sends me nudes every day now.”
“…really?”
“And she can’t wait to hop on my dick once I come through the door. Literally whining for it.”
“Get out of here.”
“Some days I’ve got to peel her off and say, ‘Sorry Kitten, Daddy’s Cum Cannon is closed today.”
“Man, you’re full of shit.”
“I’m serious! The AI has her all figured out. Every day it’s texting her the nastiest shit she likes at the perfect interval to maintain the optimal level of horniness.”
“The nastiest shit she likes?”
“Yeah. I had it analyze her whole kindle library. To figure out her kinks.”
“And you just let the AI do all that? On your girl.”
“That’s not even the best part.”
“Man, I think we got differing definitions of the word ‘best’…”
“The AI even got her to start wearing a panty vibrator. Every day! And it has Full. Remote. Access.”
“No.”
“She’s getting off all the time and she thinks π’π’ the one doing it!”
“Man this shit sounds illegal!”
“That’s the beautiful part! It’s not!”
“You’re telling me you let some godless, soulless machine digitally skinsuit your dumbass so it can sweet talk your girl while jilling her bean from halfway across town?”
“Technically it jills her bean from a datacenter in North Virginia.”
“Man that’s the most depraved, fucked+up, morally-derangedβ”
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“…”
“Another cat picture?”
“…”
“That’s an awfully cute pussy.”
“…you know what, fuck it.”
“Hm?”
“Show me how to set this shit up.”