Theoretical Car Mechanic

Genres: parody Length: micro-fiction Series: x/twitter Reading Time: Less than a minute Tags: farce

“Hi, I’m dropping off my car. You’re the mechanic right?”

“That’s right.”

“Cool, so I’m not like, a car person or anything, but I think it might be the carburetor?”

“Ha, okay. You and everybody else, pal.”

“Uh, wow, that’s kind of rude.”

“Look, I don’t need bozos like you mistaking your Google search for my experience.”

“I didn’t…”

“You kids get on your ChatGPT. Ask your silly little questions. Me? I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about cars, okay?”

“…thinking about cars?”

“That’s right.”

“Uh, don’t you mean working on cars?”

“Woah, buddy, pal. I’d never touch a car in my life.”

“…but you’re a mechanic.”

“That’s right.”

“Okay, wait, roll back—you’re a mechanic who doesn’t touch cars.”

“Naturally. I wouldn’t trust a mechanic who did.”

“…”

“You ever seen what’s in a car?”

“Of course.”

“No you haven’t.”

“Um.”

“Trust me.”

“And you have?”

“Oh hell no.”

“..”

“I’d never dare look inside a car.”

“…”

“Those things scare the SHIT out of me.”